A Humbling Reminder to Lead With Empathy
How an unexpected night out became a powerful lesson in the complexities of human behavior.
The Incident
"Hey, can you open your trunk for me?" I asked a friend as we headed to her car after a fun night out. I had offered to carry her valuable possession, thinking I was doing her a favor. But instead of responding, she ignored me and stepped into the driver's seat.
I stood there, hands full, feeling a mix of confusion and frustration. "Hey, can you please open up the car?" I repeated, louder this time. Still, no response. Her silence felt like passive-aggressiveness, and my mind raced with questions: What is she upset about? Why the sudden shift?
The night had been great catching up with friends over a dinner party. But this moment turned everything upside down. I replayed earlier interactions in my mind, searching for clues. I remembered whispering something to her during the evening, only for her to turn her head away. It felt odd then, and now it seemed part of a pattern.
Next Morning
I couldn’t let it go. As a designer, I know the importance of understanding user behavior, and this situation felt like a puzzle I needed to solve. I decided to approach her directly, but with curiosity instead of accusation.
I braced myself for her reaction. Would she get defensive? Would this friendship crumble? Instead, her response was immediate and shockingly humbling.
She apologized profusely and revealed something I never expected: she couldn’t hear out of her left ear. Suddenly, everything clicked. She hadn’t been ignoring me; she simply couldn’t hear me, especially in that noisy parking lot.
She shared with me a picture of her doctor’s note and thanked me for bringing it up, explaining that my honesty was a wake-up call. She needed to take her doctor’s advice seriously and start using a hearing aid.
Lessons
This experience was a profound reminder of the importance of empathy not just in design, but also in life. Here are the lessons I took away, both as a designer and as a friend.
Empathy is the Foundation
Understanding the user’s or a friend’s perspective is key to creating meaningful experiences. Empathy allows us to see beyond surface-level behavior.
Accessibility is Non-Negotiable
Designing for accessibility is imperative by considering diverse needs such as hearing impairments, visual challenges, or mobility constraints. It’s about creating experiences that are inclusive for everyone.
Approach with Curiosity, Not Assumption
Just as users may behave in unexpected ways, people’s actions often have unseen reasons. Assumptions can lead to flawed designs and flawed relationships.
Open Communication is crucial
Just as user feedback is essential for improving designs, honest conversations strengthen relationships.
Conflict Resolution Builds Stronger Bonds
Addressing issues head-on, whether in project teams or in life, leads to better outcomes and deeper connections.
Takeaway
This unexpected night out became a powerful lesson in the complexities of human interaction. As a designer, I strive to understand users’ needs and behaviors. But this moment reinforced that the same principles apply to friendships too. It was a valuable reminder that choosing curiosity, prioritizing understanding, and communicating with empathy are paramount for building strong relationships.